I didn’t want to do a newsletter in February about love or self-love because honestly, that type of shit is starting to feel like a smile on the face of someone who is bleeding out really slowly.
So, what I want to talk about today is the Three of Swords. We’re often told as we’re growing up that pain is inevitable and that part of being an adult is learning to deal with that pain and we’re not often given the tools to do so.
The first thing to do if you find your heart full of swords is to see if you’re ready to take them out, or if they’ve grown into your skin. I’ve found that the longer they’ve been there, the harder it is to remove them. Therapy is a great way to get these out.
I know, I’ve been avoiding therapy for my entire life, and I wish that I hadn’t. It’s good. Do the thing. Also, if you tried to go and didn’t like your therapist – find another one. Give them two visits each and try someone else. Think about if you trust masc or femme folks more. Consider cultural differences. You want someone that you can relate to, so you feel safe.
For the more recent pains, sometimes you grow comfortable with the hurt. Take a good solid look at your heart and see if the pain of missing someone is WORTH the pain of carrying the hurt around. Forever? Are you sure? What if we wrote the pain a letter and removed the swords one by one, being sure to grieve each wound as you do.
Then we burn the letter.
For the everyday aches and pains, let’s talk about them before the swords are too embedded. Find one of your people who can help you carry the pain for a while. They can help you channel the hurt into something helpful. Remember that anger, hurt and anxiety are our friends, they tell us that our hearts are in danger and we need to pull back a little.
If you don’t have someone to talk to, let’s have a conversation and see what the best direction to go is. I can’t fix your problems, but I have a really great flashlight, and sometimes can see further ahead that you can.
I know that this is kind of a downer of a newsletter, but there are different degrees of hurt, and sometimes we (I) get so comfortable with the pain that we just forget about it for a while. Let’s quit that, collectively, this year, shall we?