This month, I’m going to touch on love and loss. I have a lot of readings that are for folks who still feel a connection to people that they’ve had relationships with in the past – either friendships or romantic connections. The problem is that when it’s over, there is still a thread of connection there. What do you do with that? Should you do anything?
Think of the connections that other people have on you as cords coming off of your body. One for your partner, one for each kid, parents, friends, co-workers….imagine all of those coming off of you like a spiderweb. You can feel the tug of intent and affection, and of unhappiness and discord.
Time to cut the cord.
I dated this person for a while who, after we broke up, stayed connected to me. I could tell when they were going to be physically near me. I could tell when they were going to call me. It was like having a direct line to someone who hurt me. Also, we’d broken up a few times, so there was that annoying thought in the back of my head, Will they come back? Should they? Ugh. Breakups.
Lots of times in readings, I hear this question, Will they come back? The answer varies a little, but mostly it’s not them that you’re missing. It’s the person you were when you met them. You want that spark of excitement, the unflawed love and connection, and the unjaded, not crying and not eating boxes of cereal in one sitting YOU that existed back then.
Ex’s are often ex’s for a reason – whether friends or partners. There is a reason that you separated, and that reason is still valid.
SO – a better question might be, Do I need them to come back? It’s best to ask this question after a few months so you can separate from the pain and upset that the breakup caused.
Do you miss your friend because they’re your friend, or because you’re lonely and they filled that spot?
Did you make a mistake? Can you look back at your behavior and see that you were in error?
Whatever the reason, remember to break those cords if they don’t serve you anymore, and that you can only heal yourself.
The best way that I’ve found to do this is to write them a letter and use all of the words. It might be a long letter. After writing it down, find a quiet place and burn the letter. As it burns, imagine a cord that connects the two of you, and in your mind, burn it away from you. Imagine it like a fuse burning down, as far out as you can see it. Let that cord turn to ash, and then give yourself time to heal emotionally from the emotional burn of separation. Lots of Broad City. Lots of cereal. Lots of sleep.
Take good care,