Major Arcana

Because, she said, when you’re scared but you still do it anyway, that’s brave. – Neil Gaiman #themoon

Fear seems to be mostly a childhood experience, right?  Afraid of the dark, under the bed, your asshole big brother, death, dying, the news, Freddie Kruger, etc. etc. And when you’re a kid, you had Guardians (if you were lucky) against the Fear.  I was lucky – my dad was a very tall police officer with a very deep voice who told me very clearly that monsters weren’t allowed in his house.  And furthermore, were not allowed to hurt his little girl.

I believed him.  

I think the monsters believed him, too, because I was never ever bothered in his house.  But then you grow up, right?  College brings with it all kinds of new fears.  Fear of trying new things and making So many mistakes, and hurting others and hurting yourself and trying to practice being an adult before you actually are an adult.  There is a big change, though, in fear from childhood and fear as an adult.

We fake it.

I was emotionally bruised and battered all through college, I had a drinking problem and my self-confidence was completely bottomed out.  But if I talk to friends from those years, they all say how happy I seemed, and how Up and how fierce I seemed.  Ha ha ha – faked it.  Fooled them. Wasn’t I so clever and broken.

We fake it through the serious relationships and serious breakups and serious illnesses and student loan payments.  We fake it through kids learning to walk to learning to run and then to drive.  We fake it, because if we honestly sat down and thought about the myriad of bad things that could happen to us and ours, we’d never leave the house.

There has to be more to it than faking it, right?  That’s where the Moon card comes in.  That path – lit only by the light of the moon.  Those creatures – they know more than you and they are freaking the fuck out.  The question the Moon is asking is this – Are you going to walk the path ANYWAY?  If you look at the scary situations above, they’re full of choices.  I didn’t have to go to college, get married, have children.  Didn’t have to – I chose to. In spite of the fear.  I decided that my happiness was bigger than fear.  I got defiant and stuck my chin out and started walking on that path.

And some of my fears came true.  Divorce, death of people I love, hurt from people who were meant to love me, sickness, etc.  But every time, I decided to get up and start walking again.  

When you see the Moon card in a reading, you have a choice, too.  You decide whether you’re going to face your fear or not.  If your choice is “not”, that’s ok.  That’s valid.  But be sure you’re not trading happiness for peace of mind.  That never seems to be worth it in the end.  The Moon can also let you know that the thing you think is just silly paranoia is actually something that wants to eat you, and you should listen to your intuition.

 The Moon, Rider Waite Smith
The Moon, Rider Waite Smith

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