I decided to quit smoking 64 days ago. I’d tried before – lots of times before, but it was TIME. I had this idea that I would quit smoking, start exercising, and really focus on getting healthy this year. I started this program, #WellCynova, using the tarot to help motivate me to take better care of myself.

WELL.

Around 3 weeks ago, I’m checking in on my health every day, keeping a journal, and noticed that I am not feeling better. In fact, I’m feeling worse than I did when I was smoking. I read articles, talked to friends, and decided that I would give it another week and then see a doctor. I got an ear infection, went on antibiotics, and still felt awful.

Since I don’t have insurance, I had to be smart about what I did next. I asked my friend’s dad, who is a doctor, should I go to my GP or to Urgent Care? Both are expensive, but I could swing one or the other. Dr. Dad suggested getting a pulse ox monitor and if it went below 96, I go to Urgent Care. If it didn’t, I wait to go to my GP. My pulse ox (level of oxygen in my blood) was fine, but my pulse was 150. Then I cooked dinner, and it was 170. Yikes.

I went to the ER.

There is nothing good that comes from having six people in the ER room with you. It’s too many people to be casual. Too many concerned faces. I was upset, not because I was sick, but because I drove myself to the ER. Literally the only data that changed that day was that I knew my heart was acting hyper. I’ve felt the same way for at least a year – I just thought I felt crappy because of cigarettes. Turns out, my heart was working overtime the entire time.

I got admitted, and had a cat scan, echo, nuclear stress test, baby aspirin – you name it. I was given a beta blocker and my heart slammed on the brakes – which has me feeling worse than I did when I went in. I’m used to driving 100 miles an hour all the time, and in one day, my heart slowed to 50. I don’t recommend this. it sucks a great deal.

I have sinus tachycardia, and we have no idea why. My pulse is consistently over 100, even with beta blockers. So I have some stuff to figure out with my doctor, and I’m sure I’ll be fine eventually.

In the meantime, I am not doing tarot readings, I’m sleeping a lot, and I’m writing a bit. I am not one of those folks who pulls tarot cards every day to answer life questions. I rarely read for myself. I am incredibly grateful for that voice in my head that said, “Hey, something’s not right”.

The voice was there every day.

It pushed me to quit smoking.

It pushed me to start noticing that the meatsack that carried me around was important

It It made me reach out to my friend, ask her dad questions, and follow up with his advice.

However awful I feel right now, it’s a hell of a lot better than I would feel if I’d had the inevitable stroke or heart attack that comes with a 170 pulse rate.

I listened to my intuition and it saved my life.

Thanks, Self.

I’m not doing readings until after the 22nd, but you can get classes here.

xo Lis