Today we’re going to talk about something I deal with a lot in readings. Folks will call and in the middle of the reading, will tell me that they’re carrying guilt for something they did or said. Sometimes this is recent, and we can talk about the best way to make amends. Sometimes, though, this is decades ago.
Sometimes, you get this reminder of that day that you were awful. You said something awful that sticks in your brain and tries to tell you that THAT is you – the worst part of who you are, the worst thing you’ve ever done – that is you.
I am here to tell you, Nuh Uh.
What if I told you that you had to do that to learn not to do it again? And that sometimes we have to repeat mistakes so we learn while we’re young and don’t make giant screw ups when we’re adults? What if I told you that there is nothing in the world that you could do that you can’t make better somehow?
There are a few options here.
- If this is a timely fuckup, you can reach out and apologize to the person you hurt. Here’s the important part – THEY DON’T HAVE TO FORGIVE YOU. It’s not their job/responsibility. If you shit the bed, sometimes you lose a friend over it.
- If this is something in the past – you can try to reach out, but sometimes that just makes things worse. You can instead donate to a cause that would mean a lot to the person, or write them a letter and burn it.
- Meditate on the You that made this mistake. Have a conversation with Yester-You. Let them know that you know WHY they did what they did, and that you forgive them and turned out ok. Give them/yourself peace of mind.
- Forgive YOURSELF. Of course you screwed up. You’re human. What’s not acceptable is beating yourself up for being human.
SO – take a deep breath. Forgive yourself. Move on.
Find something productive to put in place of that guilt. If you’ve hurt someone, and can’t fix it, maybe shower yourself and another friend with some love. Pain out, love in.
ALSO I HAVE GIANT NEWS!!
I’m now represented by Tara GIlbert at the Jennifer De Chiara Literary Agency. I am super excited to work with Tara and can’t wait to get started with her.