I get a lot of calls from folks who are looking for their Person. In order to find THEIR Person, it is sometimes necessary to try on some other folks to see if they fit.
Dating can be absolutely awful – trust, I have some stories. It can also be a complete delight, and over the years, I’ve helped clients with some advice that I’m going to sum up for you. So, if you’re looking for your Person, or People, these might help out.
- Don’t confuse ‘alone’ with ‘lonely’. Two different things. It could be that you don’t really want to find someone to date, but someone to hang out with. Also, some of the people who call me have found that their friend groups have shrunk over the years, and they’re alone a lot. This works out great for some, but if you’re looking to get out more, it doesn’t have to be romantic. Go to meetup.com and find activities in your area that can help you get out of the house.
- If you’re dating online, follow these rules:
- No chatting for more than three days. You’re not creating a relationship over the phone. You’re creating a false relationship for no reason. You spin a version of yourself and they spin a version of themselves, before you know it, it’s been weeks and you have this connection that doesn’t have anything based on reality. You’re on this app to find someone, not make friends. If they don’t want to meet within 3 days or so, be done. You’re a prize, remember? This is THEIR opportunity.
- Have a list of what you’re looking for in a person, and what you’re not. Keep this list in your brain. If they, say, snap their fingers at a server, you’ll immediately know who they are. They just told you – believe them. Then, hand the server $20 and go home.
- If you don’t feel a connection, be honest and go home. You don’t owe anyone anything.
- Safety tips! Always tell two people where you’re meeting. Always make it a public place. Don’t give them your cell number before you meet – just communicate through the app. Drive yourself, or take an uber, and if you’re feeling unsafe, tell the server or bartender so someone there is looking out for you. Trust your instincts, always.
- The most fun I ever had dating was when I was dating several people at once. They all knew, and nothing got serious. No one met my kids, came to my house or interfered with my life. We met up, had fun, and then I went home. Ideal.
- I feel the need to say this, but hate that I do. You don’t HAVE to have a Person. It isn’t required. You are more than your relationship status, so if you don’t want to date? Don’t. Take yourself out and have fun.